We accept dollars, rubles, yuan, riyals, shekels, you name it.

Will also barter for
Gold,
Opiates,
Petroleum.

Inquire at: sellout@gop.us


It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To

An interview with a washed-up has-been.

We have all heard of Abraham Lincoln, mostly due to his boring warnings not to believe everything you read on the internet, but he doesn't seem to have been very active in politics since his failed War of Northern Aggression. After hearing that the Republican Party was once known as the "Party of Lincoln," we decided to look him up. Our reporter at the Capitol found him at the far end of the National Mall, and asked him on a scale of 9 to 10 how excited he is that America is so great again. He didn’t say much and mostly sulked.

Subscribers can read the full article here.


Dow Hits 25K for Record 11th Time

Demonstrating market confidence in the incredible leadership of the greatest presidency in history, the Dow Jones Industrial Average crossed 25,000 points yet again. That's more times than ever before!

Subscribers can read the full article here.

President Trump's Big Book of Accomplishments


GET YOUR NAME ON
THE BORDER WALL!


Rapture Underway?

Senate panel, White House agree: No other explanation for disappearances of journalists, scientists. Texas Congressman expresses doubt, arguing that fake news writers and climate hoaxers don’t go to heaven.

Subscribers can read the full article here.


YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT
OBAMA IS UP TO NOW!


2020 YARD SIGN


America Surges Forward With Coal Production

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. That’s Latin for “We know you don’t really read this crap, but a feel-good headline is always good for generating clicks on the ads.”

Subscribers can read the full article here.


ELECTROMAGNETICALLY SHIELDED
MAGA HATS $29.99

Why Trump Deserves Trust, Respect and Admiration


Guns Before Butter

Liberal-led public school employees threaten to strike, citing rising costs of ammunition and lack of lunchroom funding. Why do they hate America so much?

Subscribers can read the full article here.

HOW TO BECOME A FEDERAL
JUDGE IN 6 MONTHS
GUARANTEED


Aerial bombing
“collaterally damaged”
house of non-Christian
worship gingerbread kit
$7.95


The Ghost of Neely St.

Every November, Lee Harvey Oswald haunts his former Dallas apartment, accosting passersby and demanding credit for the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

Subscribers can read the full article here.

TRUMP® brand voting machines
- Now with auto-correct!
Contact your local elections board
and demand the best


Grab It Again 2020
(Made in the USA)


Cattle Mutilations on the Rise Again

Ranchers across the southwest are again finding dead livestock bearing marks of unusual surgical procedures. Are illegal border crossings to blame?

Subscribers can read the full article here.

No Collusion, no obstruction!
No collusion, no obstruction!
Total exoneration!

The Donald J. Trump Presidential Twitter Library